Transgender man from New Jersey recounts his hardships and hope following suicide attempts

Jay’lin Thomas learned at four years old that his inner identity didn’t match his physique, which many adults couldn’t understand. Bullying, rejection, loss, survival, fortitude, resilience, and rebirth followed for life. The 37-year-old Jersey City resident hopes his story will inspire others.

Childhood Misunderstanding

Thomas was uncomfortable with gender roles as a child. He enjoyed loose clothes, sneakers, and hoodies and liked boys. Bullying and criticism replaced acceptance. He was told it was a “phase” or “trend,” but he knew it was about identity, not preference.

“I didn’t just wake up one day and decide I wanted to be transgender,” he says. This has always been my reality. This is my life.”

Not everyone shared his insight. He separated from his mother due of tensions. His grandmother Hattie Mae adored and encouraged him, but her death in childhood created a void. Thomas spent his adolescence hiding, sneaking, and surviving emotionally while wanting to live authentically.

Identity exploration space

Thomas explored his identity more publicly after moving to Atlanta for college. He mingled and expressed himself without parental interference. Even then, life was rough. He grew unstable and used drugs after college accreditation was revoked. After his mother rejected him again, he returned to New York, grieving his grandma and becoming poor.

He persisted in seeking solutions. Therapy prepared him for change. He celebrated his “rebirth day” on April 28, 2010, by living his medical gender identity.

Transition to New Life

Body modification was about survival, not attractiveness. Thomas took command after years of emotional turmoil and suicide attempts. Top surgery in 2011 and total phalloplasty in 2014 took 22 hours.

Thomas had physical and emotional challenges with each treatment. But he trusted his choice. “I chose surgery for my survival and happiness,” he says. Because I knew myself, I endured bullying, homelessness, and trauma. These surgeries allow me live that way.”

Hormone therapy restored his voice. His bald head, lengthy beard, tattoos, and strong manner demonstrate he struggled for life and truth.

Being Real and Future-Building

His name and gender changed on documents during his transformation. These activities were important for legitimacy and safety in a political climate that increasingly challenges transgender rights.

Thomas’s fight goes beyond survival. About giving back. As North Jersey Community Research Initiative case manager, he helps vulnerable populations with housing, unemployment, and healthcare. Having wished for greater kindness as a child drives his advocacy.

“I never had a mentor growing up, so I try to mentor others,” adds. I want kids to know there are caring individuals if they feel alone.

He wants to create an LGBTQ+ and minority wellness center. He wants a safe place to transition, heal, and live honestly with specialists that understand their issues. His goal is to combine wellness, mental health, and community support.

The Big Picture

The story of Thomas is typical. 0.6% of 13-year-olds in the U.S. are transgender, according to the Williams Institute at UCLA. About 45,000 transgender and nonbinary people live in New Jersey. Thomas faced bullying, familial rejection, homelessness, mental illness, and healthcare concerns that many still face.

Thomas shows survival may bring meaning. His perseverance shows that living authentically is the most powerful act, regardless of gender identification.

His narrative conveys a simple yet powerful message: you are not alone. His story proves that acceptance, compassion, and support can save lives and that there is always hope after the worst times.

Sources:

Williams Institute, UCLA School of Law
Garden State Equality
North Jersey Community Research Initiative